WTF: Cheap Thrills (2013)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be spending a lot of time in Cheap Thrills, going over its bottom lines, and investing in its interest to see if the pay off is worth it or just a waste. So read on only if you’ve already seen Cheap Thrills, or don’t plan to.

Shot Happens

0:02:50 A young father leaves his apartment to find an eviction notice taped to his door. Even worse, before this, the baby interrupted his sexual foray with his oblivious wife. #bluebills

0:04:47 Before he could ask for a salary rise, his boss sacked him. Does he tell his spouse about the bills and the sacking? Allow me to answer that query with a riddle. What’s the difference between a single man and a married man? A married man chooses not to share his problems.

0:06:24 In a bar in the afternoon, our hapless hero meets a friend, Vince (Ethan Embry), whom he hasn’t seen in five years. The problem with meeting a loser is that it means you’re in the same place.

“Have some more glasses.”

0:08:54 Hapless (Pat Healy as Craig) asks Vince about his job, which is an enforcer for a loan shark.

Does it always have to get violent or do you sometimes just talk to the guy?

Famous last questions.

0:10:06

You know, Craig, I once broke a guy’s arm for $80. While his daughter watched.

At least it’s not back breaking work.

0:12:32 A bloke (Colin, portrayed by David Koechner)  invites Vince and Craig over to his booth, where he’s celebrating his wife’s (Violet, played by Sarah Paxton – whom we saw in Shark Night 3D ) birthday by buying a $300 bottle of tequila. You don’t buy tequila, you only rent it – and rent just went up.

Power pointless

0:12:47

To my amazing wife, Violet. The last 6 months have been so fucking awesome. I love the shit out of you.

Things gay people say.

0:14:55

Whichever of you guys does a shot first, gets 50 bucks.

This shot sounds like a starting pistol.

0:16:22

200 bones to anyone who gets her so pissed she slaps you.

Colin (the husband) to Craig and Vince, about a drunk woman at the bar

To my British brethren and sistren, ‘pissed’ is used in the US sense, here, as in ‘Pissed off’ or ‘angry’. Not ‘drunk’. Seems like my blog does have ‘class’ after all.

“Will someone teach me how buttons work?”

0:18:47

No, I’m not having any of that, I’ll get diarrhoea.

Craig refusing cocaine

0:20:42 At a strip club, Craig gets $500 for punching a burly bouncer first (and just once). He returns to conciousness in a strange house. If I had £50 for every occasion I woke up drunk in a strange place, I wouldn’t have to write these reviews. But would anyway.

0:29:17 Vince pees on Craig for $300, while they’re admiring the view. It’s a thin, wet line between pissed on and pissed off.

0:38:36 Colin’s birthday present to his wife is to give the men $250 000 for doing whatever he tells them to. It’s like a reality show, only real.

No matter how much money is in that box, I am not sucking his dick.

Vince lays down the ground rules

Speaking of, “I’d be a rich man if every time I…”

It’s money for dinner

0:40:01 Craig’s wife calls and begs him to come home. She knows about his being sacked. He tells her to give him 45 minutes and to trust him. Never trust a man who says ‘Trust me.’ – Experience

0:41:01 A contest to see who can hold their breath the longest, which is easy to fake, so I don’t get this. The point is, Vince wins by punching Craig in the stomach. See where this is going?

0:43:22

$1200 to whoever defecates in the neighbour’s house and photographs it.

Because Colin is upset the neighbour’s dog is always leaving packages on his lawn

When it pays to give a shite.

The making of a Nicolas Cage film

0:45:31

Good luck, man.

Craig, loudly, as he leaves, waking up a little girl who screams, loudly

Vince is caught with his pants down.

0:49:05 An angry Vince pushes Craig to the floor to make a vodka Martini first for $300. A bar not-so-tender.

0:49:32

You’re so tense. So many knots. I think you’d feel better if you let me fuck you.

Violet to Craig while she gives him a back rub

Really physical therapy.

0:51:55 Colin (David Koechner) offers Craig $4,500 to sex his wife. Craig, initially, is hesitant because he’s faithful to his wife. I would definitely do this. When else would I have the chance to earn $4500 for thirty seconds work?

Pin the tail on the…coffee table

0:52:43 Sex scene, while Vince and Colin watch. A difficult scene to film without coming across as absurd, and they deliver.

0:55:32 Craig leaves. Something tells me he’ll be back. It’s the 32 minutes left in the film.

0:58:30 The couple is saddened by Craig’s departure. Still, Colin offers $25 000 to Vince if he cuts off his own finger. Would you?

0:59:06

I’ll do it for 23.

Craig is back.

1:01:20 After some haggling, Craig offers to cut off his little finger for $15 000.

1:02:54 Vince lops it off by surprise. It’s not easy to cut off someone’s finger by surprise.

1:03:40

It’s still fucking attached. All the way off. That’s the deal.

Not an easy thing to pull off, but Craig does it himself.

1:06:06 The neighbour’s dog (who Vince had brought over) has died, choking on Craig’s finger. If I’m going to cut off my digits for a modicum of cash, I’d want an ice bucket to avoid such unacceptable losses.

1:08:34 Colin comes back from the microwave with a good smelling dish. No one knows but me, yet, but it’s the neighbour’s dog.

1:09:06 Didn’t take me long to be right.

1:09:57  He’s offering $50 000 to whomever eats their plate first? And only 15k to cut off a finger? WTF!? This discrepancy leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Hot Dog for dinner

1:12:35 As the eating contest ended in a tie, whoever eats Craig’s finger first gets the cash. I’ve always been bad with digits.

1:12:55 Craig and Vince get into a violent brawl over the finger. Craig wins, puts the finger in his mouth and vomits. Advanced bulimia.

Finger Food

1:15:58 Secretly, Colin offers all of the money, $250 000, if Vince kills Craig.

1:19:31 Brilliant! Superb! Bravo! While watching a slide show of all the photos Violet had taken with her phone over the course of the evening, Vince realizes the couple had been setting him and Craig up to fight each other. So he puts his knife away and tells Craig they should leave. Craig turns around… and shoots Vince.

1:24:25 Craig makes it home in a cab, empties his bag of cash on the sofa and picks up his crying baby. His wife wakes up, turns on the light and sees this scene.

Roll Credits

Blood Money

Tally Ho’

• WTF!?’s: Only 3 cheap shots
• When to Follow: While this is exactly the same premise as 13 Sins, Cheap Thrills is a far superior film in every way.
• What To Feedback: Here’s a list of the different challenges and their corresponding dollar amounts. In the comment section, list which of these you would not be willing to do.

1. $50 to drink a shot of alcohol first
2. $200 to anger a woman at the bar so badly she slaps you
3. $200 to slap a stripper on her bottom
4. $500 to punch a muscular bouncer
5. $300 to urinate on your unwitting friend
6. $500 to hold your breath the longest
7. $300 to hang up on your spouse / partner
8. $1200 to defecate in the neighbour’s house and photograph it
9. $300 to make a Martini first
10. $4500 to betray your spouse / partner
11. $25 000 to cut off your own little finger
12. $50 000 to eat dog heated in the microwave
13. $250 000 to kill a friend

All GIFs used in this review were created with the Imgflip online meme generator

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

“Why did I give him the finger!?”

Extreme shaving

“Oatmeal for breakfast, baby!”

Please don’t suck the wallpaper

Prints suitable for reposting!

What to Follow Up

WTF!? of indie hor-com Sightseers

Fernby Films review of The Human Race

Booze Revooze Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones