Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.
Starting this off early on a Sunday morning, waiting for the kids to wake up so I can send them home. This is a companion review to Al K Hall’s review of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol so I can ride on his puke sodden coattails. Have you seen how many hits he gets in a day?
0:01:31 Is that Emilio Estevez? [It is, even if he remains uncredited to protect his Innocence: Impossible.]
0:02:37 Ah, Emmanuelle Béart. I used to have the biggest crush on her when she was young. #PreOp
0:03:17 Did I know Brian de Palma directed this or did I just find out?
0:06:05 Smoking on airplanes… ah, the good old bad old days.
0:11:57 “Hannah” is so red shirted. She’s a blonde hottie but there’s a quota on hotties and Emmanuelle Béart is filling it. #ThatsWhatSheSaid
0:16:32 Floppy discs! I do so love watching classic old movies on rainy Sunday mornings.
Saved your ass again, Jack.
Ethan / Tom Cruise just red shirted Jack / Emilio Estevez with 5 words.
0:18:18 You didn’t save Jack’s ass again that time, did you, Tom Cruise? #ToldYou
The offspring have risen so I’m off to send them off.
And I’m continuing the review at 2:45 AM New Year’s Day because nothing spells celebration to me like working on a review for you, Dear Reader.
0:21:53 Why is it shot people always insist on staggering off bridges? Why don’t they just sit down and wait for help?
0:22:54 There’s Hannah’s red shirt, delivered as predicted and right on schedule.
0:33:36 Wow. The excitement is unbearable, the tension untenable. Tom Cruise is surfing on the net on his laptop. And it’s not even porn.
0:34:14 Now he’s reading the Bible. Ooh, I may never sleep again.
0:35:09 Writing an email at the moment. This movie’s as exciting as a day at my office.
It was late and there was a whole wad of nothing happening in the film so I started drifting off. Back in action now, at noon on the 1st.
0:35:37 LOL, the movie’s so boring even Tom Cruise is falling asleep in it as he types all those emails.
0:36:39 Emmanuelle Béart and her sexy French accent. She was so gorgeous PreOp.
0:36:59 In M:I world they should greet each other by pulling their faces to prove it’s not a mask.
You find something personally important to him and you squeeze.
Wait, am I watching the right movie (and not Missionary Position: Impossible)?
0:52:08 The scene where they describe how impossible it is to penetrate the room. I prefer the Charlie’s Angels version of this.
0:52:10 Oh yeah, I know that actor who plays the nerdy controller. Because he was in a training video I use!
0:53:33 Nice the way they set up the famous drop of sweat scene with a drop of condensation.
1:05:19 Even the famous infiltration scene is slower than I recall. Did De Palma really direct this or shall I “Talk to The Palma.”
1:12:27 No way Jean Reno should have thrown his disc away in the dust bin in front of Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise’s magic show was all show.
1:14:12 Told you. #predictable
1:17:33 I despise the whole concept of the fake mask. If this is a fake John Voight, there’s no way his voice could be so perfect.
1:24:39 Weird, Emmanuelle Béart just seduced Tom Cruise’s hand. I guess it’s not masturbation if it’s someone else’s fingers.
1:25:42 The French TGV does look pretty cool.
1:39:52 Remind me to rant about how much I hate this concept of masks in M:I when I have more time. #years
1:33:32 John Voight shoots his wife but just beats up his friend. Looks like even in M:I it’s spies before pies.
1:37:34 Some nice action gimmicks like fighting on the TGV. Some stupid ones too, like a helicopter flying in a tunnel.
- WTF!?’s: 3-4
- When to Follow: This is best saved for a Saturday afternoon when the kids are around studying for history lessons and you want to show them what obsolete stuff like Floppy Disks and the Bible were.
- What To Feedback: Add a caption to the following photo in the comments section for prizes!
Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos